Friday, November 26, 2010

Is there a way to tell the truth and not wreck relationships or come off as a "tattler"?

"Truths" are not always what
they seem;
make sure you really know the
facts,
and if there are other plausible/
possible explanations?
First ask yourself how they might
feel or react by you telling them?
Is there anyone else who knows
the the same "truth"?
Second ask yourself what may
happen if they find out you
knew something and did not tell
them?
That said,
Without disclosing the specific
information:
ask them what they would want?
Perhaps if there is another
mutual friend who already
knows the same "truth",
you can both tell them the
"truth" together?
I have been on both sides of the
fence. I always question the
motives of the person doing the
telling. Most people have a clue
that something is wrong before
anyone tells them. The only
question is, do they really want
that feeling confirmed or would
they rather have the ignorance
and hope they are wrong. Most
people do not deal well with
painful revelations. Hating the
messenger for the news is the
standard response.
I would rather know if I were
being betrayed. I had friends at
my ex's school, yet none of them
called me when he started
behaving like a player in the
midst of a so called reconciliation
with me. I found out on my own.
I grew suspicious and started
snooping. It wasn't hard. He was
amazingly predictable even
though most of what he was
doing was a departure from his
behavior during our marraige. It
would have been very awkward
for someone at his school to talk
to me about his behavior. I
probably would have been angry
with them, but no more so than
with him.
First you have to ask yourself, is
telling them worth the collateral
damage? Could they find out
what is going on without your
involvement? Is this something
they really want to know or is it
something they know but have
chosen to ignore? At the end of
all the questions is this, is it really
your place to say anything?
Personally I would want to know
but I find that I am in a minority.
I have delivered such news
before and recieved such a blast
of righteous indignation and
condemnation that the only
saving grace is that they were in
a separate state. To this day she
lives in the world of "he was just
temporarily misguided by one
person online" instead of the
truth which was five years of
cybersex followed by a cross
country meet and greet when he
drove to see his parents on the
other side of the country. I didn't
even get as far as telling her
about the fact that he had
physically met any of those
women. Just the idea that he had
been online for over 6 months
with one of them was enough to
send her into a holier than thou
frenzy about how no one knew
her husband better than she did.
God bless her and her fantasies.
She deserved the truth but
didn't want it.
Before you tell someone
something you must accept the
fact that your relationship with
that person will be forever
altered as will their relationship
with the one they care about.
Some things have to be told
such as life threatening things.
Other things, you may be just
setting yourself up for a world of
pain.

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